How I wrote the book

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       I had two childhood dreams: to become a singer and to write a book. No matter in which sequence. The first did not happen because I was confronted with one of those wisdoms that do not inspire you much, but you can hardly resist them, namely, "A musician can't feed for his family." I also wanted to become a young singer, after all there is hardly a childhood dream that sounds like "When I’m 70 I’ll conquer the world music scene."

On the other hand, a book can be written in the last moments of life and this can even "feed" you and your children, and why not your grandchildren. Yet, not for commercial purposes, I started writing my book, I wrote it because I was about to turn 40 years old soon and I had not fulfilled any of my childhood dreams.

     In the distant past, when I was 10-12 years old, I made my first attempt to write a book. I was inspired by the movie "Return to Eden", a movie in which the main female character is chewed up and spit out by an alligator. Not only is she rescued and a healer heals her, but she also becomes a famous and rich model. So, inspired by the immense possibilities of fate, and childishly believing in happy endings, I wrote my first book. It was an A5 notebook, 40 sheets, with children's handwriting, and it was called "Secrets and Mysteries in the Life of a Lady Called a Star." Do you find it funny? Let's laugh together. And because I am now grown up and can put into words this ridiculous attempt of mine, let me put it this way: It started my writing career and 30 years later led to the writing of a real novel. Well, well.

     Later, at the age of 16, I participated in literary club "Ivan Despotov" and the school newspaper "Zhar". At the time, my attempts were mostly in poetry, but I myself did not feel that poetry was my passion. I preferred the stories. That is perhaps why I won second place for prose in a literary contest with my story: "Fear" - a tale about a small child left alone during the night.

Over the years, I have occasionally had the urge to write poetry. All of it was written in states of sadness. My poetry was purifying for me, but it was not pleasant to read, and those who read it were far from fascinated by my talent.

 

My husband claims that I made another attempt at writing a book. I don’t remember, it was obviously one of those intentions that you expressly stated and after 2 days you had already forgotten them. Women!

And so, we came to the writing of "Millie's scar".

     Over the last year, my wish to write a book grew steadily. However, However, I had a major problem, I can even call it existential, I didn't know what to write! I had no story, I had no idea, I had nothing. My mind was going through all kinds of stories, but nothing caught my eye. I started reading manuals and guides on how to write a book. The situation became more and more tragic, because they suggested that if you wanted to write a book, then you had at least some idea what it was. There was advice on what lists and notes to keep, what to avoid, what to emphasize, and so on. They definitely didn't help, except for a few technical recommendations, the worthiness of which I appreciated too late.

At the end I began to pray. And here the saying "Unless you can help yourself even God cannot help you" turned out to be true. Despite the prayers for help to find my story, it did not appear.

     So, one night I just sat down and started writing. The good thing was that I had a start. It was written a few months earlier by me in a story. The beginning is a difficult thing when you have no story. It has to be compelling, provocative, grabbing the reader by the throat and taking him to the very end of the book. God be praised, I had it, otherwise you wouldn't read these lines now. Then came the help I was praying for. I wrote 10 pages a night, with no idea what the next page would be. Everything was born in the moment and it was very exciting and obsessive at the same time. I needed space and nothing else interested me. The book was the most important thing, I began to forget commitments and responsibilities. It was like being in a trance, and you know how upsetting it is to be interrupted during a trance, right? Well, I had that too. At the same time, I was teaching my young son to use a pot, and that was my biggest challenge. During the day, I had no time to write, my son firmly refused to use the pot and toilet, and I firmly refused to give up. Subsequently, it became clear to me that God's intervention is immense beyond our comprehension and can even be expressed in the interference of seemingly simple things, such as the stubbornness of a growing baby and the toilet seat. My son's refusal to use the toilet purposefully helped me write the book, because during the day I had plenty of time to figure out just how much I would write at night while changing wet clothes and trying in every way to decrease the damage and odors that spread around our home.

      Thank God I had the support of Diana, my rescuer and editor from the Children's Literary Club, she gave me courage, gave me strength, listened to all my hesitations and concerns, and withstood my impatience and capriciousness. Thank you, Diana, I couldn't have done it without you.

 

      I had no idea that when writers were writing a book they were experiencing the events they were making up. After each difficult situation in the book, I felt worried, depressed, stressed for several days afterwards. People seemed worse to me, fires more frequent, statistics everywhere. I had no idea that I would forget my character names and even events. One tip, if you decide to write a book, make several files at the very start, for names and for the sequence of events. You will save yourself a lot of misunderstandings and corrections. I didn't do it, despite the recommendations I had read, it was all in my head. I made a list of names only after I wrote the book, because I had to give them to the translator, written in English. Needless to say, there were huge discrepancies, such as a character who had died, meeting the main character on the street. Charming.

      The time came for the book's ending. it definitely made it difficult for me and I stopped writing for a few days until I would figure it out. I wanted it to have a nice ending, to provide a solution, to teach, for the heroine to experience catharsis. I think it worked.

So, my passion project - a book, became a reality in 1 month and 1 day.

     If this story inspired you, if you have also ever dreamed of writing a book, don't hesitate, sit down and start writing. It's not difficult to write a book. It's only difficult to begin. Realize your dreams, they are our guide on how to be ourselves. Do not listen to what others tell you, just because they don't believe in your success or they can't write a book, that does not mean it applies to you.

Good luck